Goal Setting Pt.1 - Clear your clutter
The first step to effective goal setting involves decluttering your mind and managing your thoughts. We look at how facing resistance clears the path for your goals, and what I learned from my humilating skiing debut.
📹 One minute summary video
Read the article for a fuller understanding.
As children we may have enjoyed the fun and carnage of mess and disorder. In contrast, as adults we (hopefully) see the benefits of regular decluttering. Do we give the same importance to clearing our ‘mental clutter’?
This important, often skipped, step is a prerequisite for effective goal setting and achieving.
Goal setting requires mental decluttering
As a home can gradually accumulate objects to the point of ‘hoarding’, unattended thoughts quickly stack up. These thoughts do not always serve us, hence the expression ‘don’t believe everything you think’.
Thoughts accumulate to form an underlying personal narratives or ‘stories’. The expression ‘story’, in this context means our evaluation of where we are in any area of our life, the reasons for this and our outlook on the future. Indeed, our ‘story’ greatly influences our belief in what future goals we can achieve. The building of our story is an automatic system. The instructor on my previous MCBT course used to say ‘the mind constantly secretes thoughts’. We have to choose to take of charge of that system, by actively monitoring our thoughts.
Stopping negative thought cycles
Negative or self limiting thoughts can clutter our minds to the point they become part of our ‘identity’. Our ‘identity’ is not just our values and general beliefs, but is it made up of all our ‘stories’. Our identity then directly affects how we show up and operate In the world.
The below illustration is a simple overview of how this can happen.
Our perception of each decision outcome (what happens after Stage 04 in the diagram) influences our story and overall identity.
To stop negative thought cycles about goals, or any subject, we have to interupt negative thoughts before they become emotions that lead to decisions. We do this by proactively and consiously scruntinising them as they arise. We then accept the ones that serve us and trash or ‘reframe’ (replace) ones that don't serve us.
If you examined a household item and determined it had no practical or sentimental value, you would feel no resistance to deposing of it or putting it up for sale. Unfortunetly it is not so easy with our thoughts. There isn’t a long term ‘quick fix’, it is a practiced process.
However, the very act of goal setting can shine a revealing light on our current thinking patterns, stories and identity.
Be honest about your story
If asked by a trusted friend to express our feelings about a specific area in our life, our response may reveal deeply rooted ‘stories’ that are accompanied by ‘rationalisations’.
For example, those who procrasinate goals may tell others and themselves:
‘I like to get things perfect so I’ll wait until the circumstances are more favourable’.
In contrast, individuals who feel they have ‘failed’ in the past can have the simple story:
‘I failed when I tried last time, I’ll probably fail again’.
It is beyond the scope of this post to go into the deeper emotional and experiential factors that are part of our story creation. However, every story we have about ourselves can be changed.
We can use goal setting as one way to kickstart the compounding effect of changing our story and clearing our clutter. After making progress with a goal, our thinking pattern will evolve naturally.
As an initial honesty and mindset preperation exercise, I encourage you to try out this ‘2 for 2 present-future’ exercise. This can be done alone, but you may find additional benefits completing it with a trusted friend.
The ‘2 for 2 present-future exercise’ for goal setting
Think about a single area in your life you know you can move forward in, but feel resistance to doing so. This could be health, business, learning a language, socialising or even breaking an addiction.
Part 1: The present
Write (or type) honestly the following about the area you have chosen:
1a) Your feelings (story) in brutal honesty about this area. (2/3 sentences is fine)
1b) The ‘mental clutter’ or ‘resistance’ factor/s you feel. Make a bulleted list of what you feel prevents you from moving forward. Examples could be: perceived difficulty, overwhelm, time commitment, uncertainity on end value.
Part 2: The future
For the second part, you could ask a close friend to complete this part or you can challenge yourself. In the second part, you (or your friend) ‘reframe’ the negative thoughts in Pt.1 by replacing them with positive ones. Write (or type):
2a) The positive feelings and difference that would result from progress in this area.
2b) Resistance ‘smashing’ or ‘shrinking’ (the ‘reframe’).
Address each resistance factor in 1b) with potential solutions. A friend may be able to offer helpful input. Challenge yourself to spend no more than 2 minutes on each factor.
If you struggled on Part 2, you may benefit from learning from those who have progressed in your goal area, whether that be from acquaintances, watching interviews or listening to podcasts. The answers are out there.
A personal humilating past example
Captured by the awe inspiring white majesty of the snow capped dolomites in northern Italy, I was amped and ready to my first taste of skiing on actual snow. My older Italian ski instructor guided me through a few techniques with reasonable success. However, as soon as we got on to the slopes, my initial confidence faded fast. I could feel my pulse racing and sweat building as excitement was replaced by fear. Plunging down repeatly, I become intimated acquainted with both the taste of real snow and my absolute lack of leg/core strength.
Soon enough I had to swallow the little pride I had left and request the instructors assistance. Initally he politely obligated. However, as the lesson went on this quickly turned to groaning and straining as he attempted to pull me back on to the straight and narrow. Through the exhusation, shame and embrassment, this experience was a wakeup call that things needed to change.
The ‘2 for 2 present-future exercise’ personal example
From that ski ephipany, here is how I would have completed the exercise:
1a) Your feelings (story):
“I’m beyond unfit. The 60 year old skiing instructor had to physically assist me up, it was humilating. I need to change my lifestyle, but I have no time allocated to do so”
1b) The ‘mental clutter’ or ‘resistance’ factor/s you feel
- Time: "Where am I going to get more time to exericise?"
- Lack of support: "This is going to be yet another thing I’m going to have to do by myself."
- Judgement: "It’s going to be embarrassing being that clueless guy in the gym."
- Lack of interest: "I need to lose some weight, but I have no interest in cooking or preping food."
2a) The positive feelings and difference that would result from progress in this area:
“The physical and mental improvements after making progress in my health and lifestyle goals will have positive effect on my wellbeing and confidence. I’ll be able to participate in more activities and interact with different people. I might even start to enjoy it.”
2b) Resistance ‘smashing’ or ‘shrinking’ (the ‘reframe’)
- Time: "I’m going to join a gym and commit to attend once a week, this small step will be an improvement. By the second month I'll attend 2 or 3 times a week."
- Lack of support: "Even if I start on my own, there will be others on this improvement path and we can support one another."
- Judgement: "I’m going to book in an initial session with a trainer to get used to gym equipment. I can also learn the times when the gym is quieter."
- Lack of interest: "I can start by eliminating unhealthy snacking. There are convienent powders and meal plans I can try to make the transition to healthy foods easier."
Goal setting with clarity and positivity.
This introductory post has shined a light on our automatic and unconscious thinking cycles. If left unchecked, our mental ‘clutter’ and negative ‘stories’ could slow or derail our goal progress.
This practical exercise can help you acknowledge existing resistance and reframe it. Reframing must be your process ally as resistance occurs perpetually for all of us.
In Pt.2 of this series will look at how the big 3 questions that set the stage for your goal smashing journey.
v1.1 | Updated 26/12/24